Top Ten Windows XP Tips Of All Time

Top 10 Windows XP Tips Of All Time

George Jones Fri Apr 21, 4:51 PM ET

Despite all the hoopla about the introduction of Windows Vista, the truth of the matter is that the new OS isn’t due for at least another seven to nine months — and it will probably be even longer before most of us start adopting it. Meanwhile, we’ve still got to deal with Win XP.

In order to make the waiting easier, we’ve decided to assemble the greatest tips in the history of Windows XP. Here you’ll find the tips that give you the most bang for your buck; that are most useful in terms of security, functionality, and PC performance; and that are just plain cool.

One final thought: As you parse our Top 10, consider the following: With any luck, this time next year we’ll all be reading Windows Vista tips stories.

And now let’s start the countdown.

Tip 10: Halt background services to improve performance.

This tip is one of our favorites because it always works. Running in the background of Windows are scores of services, small processes used by Windows and many Windows applications. The thing is, you don’t need all these services — especially for applications you never use — and many of them actually slow your PC down.

Win XP power users have long known that you can easily eke a little extra performance out of your PC by disabling services that are completely unnecessary or that don’t need to be running all the time. Here’s how it works.

1. Click Start > Run, type services.msc and click OK. This will bring up the Services management console. Click on the Extended tab at the bottom of this window; each background service running on your PC is listed here. Windows includes a fairly detailed description of each service; simply drag the Description column wider to read more of each description, or click on a service to see its full description in the left pane.

2. Double-click a service to bring up a window with several options. In the Startup Type area, you can set the service to run automatically in the background at all times so it’s ready whenever it’s needed, or you can tell it to run manually, which means you’ll have to go into this Services management console and re-enable it if an application needs it.

You can also completely disable the service. In general, you want to disable services tied to applications and/or features you don’t use or rarely use. You can find a great list of appropriate services to disable at the Elder Geek’s Services Guide For Windows XP.

If you’re logged onto the computer as the administrator, you can also pause the service (click the Pause button in the Service Status area just below the Startup Type area), then see how the computer behaves. Danger signs include crashes or other erratic behaviors in your applications, such as running slowly or getting stuck on a query prompt. Click Resume to start up the service again.

Tip 9: Increase available disk space by scaling back System Restore.

It’s not perfect, but Windows System Restore is a useful first step in recovering your PC or drive from a major system error. However, it can consume more than 10 percent of your total hard drive space.

If you find yourself desperate for an extra few gigabytes — particularly on secondary storage drives — there’s an easy way to reclaim data space by simply limiting the number of System Restore points Windows XP establishes. This one’s a snap and there’s no tangible increase of risk, which is why we love it.

1. Right-click on My Computer and select Properties > System Restore.

2. If you have just one hard drive, skip to step 3. Otherwise, select the drive on which you want to gain storage space and click the Settings button.

3. Adjust the slider to the left to use less disk space, and Win XP will reduce the number of System Restore points by the appropriate amount.

Tip 8: Scrub your hard drive clean.

Windows Support Tools, provided free by Microsoft, are a suite of some 20+ separate applications that are extremely handy for a number of uses. Ordinary PC users probably won’t use many of these apps — they’re mostly used by IT pros to troubleshoot and analyze Windows XP. But even if you’re not an expert, don’t be afraid of using the Windows Installer Clean Up Utility, which will help you remove all leftover files from a failed uninstall of a Windows Installer application.

Download Windows Support Tools from Microsoft’s Download Center. (If you’re curious about the other apps in the suite, check out the help file included in the Windows Support Tools Program group.)

To run the Windows Installer Clean Up Utility, go to the command prompt (select Start > Run) and type msicuu.exe. You’ll see a list of all applications with uninstall data. Select the ones you want to get rid of and click the Remove button. Obviously, you want to use caution here — don’t clear the install data for an application unless you’re absolutely sure you won’t ever need it.

Tip 7: Run two displays on the same PC.

This tip is for the worker bee. Adding a second display to your PC won’t quite double your productivity, but it will make your computing life easier. Walk around a cube farm these days, and you’ll likely see at least a few power users doubling up.

Thankfully, Windows XP makes it extremely easy.

1. Plug the second display into your computer. (Many video cards today have a second Video Out port; if not, you’ll have to install a second video card.)

2. Right-click on your desktop and click Properties to bring up the Display Properties window. Click on the Settings tab.

3. See the grayed-out box to the right of the black box? That’s your second monitor. Click on it and then click the check box next to "Extend my Windows desktop onto this monitor" to enable it. From here you can adjust the resolution of the secondary display. The goal here is to have a desktop that spans both of your displays, so if your second screen is physically located to the left of your primary one, drag and drop the #2 monitor to the left of the #1 display.

Tip 6: Force unresponsive applications to close at shutdown.

When it comes to balky PCs, few things annoy us more than the moment when we try to shut down Windows and it tells us it can’t because some crashed application isn’t responding, and that we have to do it ourselves by clicking the End Now button.

This registry hack changes that. Here’s how it works.

1. Launch RegEdit (select Start > Run, type regedit and click OK) and browse to HKEY_USERS\.DEFAULT\Control Panel\Desktop

2. Find the string called AutoEndTasks. Right-click it, select Modify from the pop-up menu, and change the data value from 0 to 1. (If you can’t find this string, create it by selecting Edit > New > String Value and set the data value to 1.)

3. Close RegEdit and reboot.

Tip 5: Automatically optimize your hard drive.

One of the keys to system performance is an optimized hard drive. Typically, you optimize your hard drive using Windows’ Defrag utility. But there’s a great registry hack that will force Win XP to automatically optimize the location of files when your PC is idle. Here’s how it works.

1. Open RegEdit and browse to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\
OptimalLayout

2. Find the string called EnableAutoLayout, and change its data value to 1. (If this string doesn’t exist, create it and set the value to 1.)

3. Exit RegEdit and reboot your PC. Done!

Tip 4: Set a custom resolution.

Notice a trend in the second half of this story? If you answered, "They’re all registry hacks," you are correct. Windows XP’s registry loads an amazing amount of flexibility and customization in a fairly low-risk package.

Tip number 4 on our list is another one of our favorite registry hacks. Windows XP allows you to specify a large number of set screen resolutions based on what types of images your display can accept. However, in a few rare instances, you may want to specify a non-standard resolution for a clearer or more accurate picture. This tip allows you to do just that. It’s one of those tips that doesn’t seem all that handy — until you desperately need it. Plus, it’s just plain cool. If you have a wonky projector or TV screen you want to use with a laptop or PC, you might want to give this a try.

Here’s how it works:

1. Open RegEdit and browse to HKEY_CURRENT_CONFIG\System\CurrentControlSet\Control\VIDEO\
{the address of your primary video card...it often begins with "23A77BF7"}\0000\

2. The Default Settings.XResolution data value is the horizontal resolution, and the Default Settings.YResolution data value is the vertical. Double-click the Default Settings.XResolution data entry, select the Decimal radio button, and in the Value Data field, enter your desired horizontal resolution. Then do the same with Default Settings.YResolution to change the vertical resolution.

3. Exit RegEdit and reboot your PC.

If you’re scared of tweaking your registry on this one, a handy app called PowerStrip ($29.95, available for a free try-before-you-buy download), allows you similar resolution-changing functionality.

Tip 3: Stay on top of registry changes.

Given the power and flexibility of Windows XP’s registry (and the large number of registry hacks in this Top 10), it’s no surprise that the number 3 XP tip involves keeping track of any and all changes made to your registry.

But given the prevalence of spyware, rootkits, and other malware these days, knowing what you’ve done to your registry is a secondary concern to knowing what other applications are doing to it.

For peace of mind — and occasionally, for curiosity’s sake — we consider SysInternal’s Regmon an essential piece of our OS. It’s a freeware application that allows you to browse through all the keys in the registry, filtering in a variety of ways to pinpoint specific registry changes.

For example, you can quickly filter for certain applications. If you’re having trouble with Windows Media Player, you click on the Options menu, then Filter. At the menu, type wmplayer into the Include field. When you see the resulting list, you can double-click any entry to open up its registry value.

Because you can search and filter, Regmon is also an excellent method for tracking down hard-to-find registry items.

Tip 2: Recover lost data.

Everyone has accidentally deleted files from their hard drive, and very few feelings are as low as the moment right after you nuke 300 irreplaceable photographs of your kids/dogs/life. Actually, one feeling is worse than that: accidentally quick-formatting your entire drive.

Even if you regularly back up your drives, mistakes happen. That’s why this tip is paramount. It’s also really simple. There’s an excellent downloadable data recovery app for XP called Zero Assumption Recovery that can help. Don’t waste another minute — download and install it now.

When you run into trouble, here’s what to do:

1. The moment you delete your data, stop using your hard drive. Don’t save or install any new applications — they’ll be written over your recently departed data.

2. Run Zero Assumption Recovery. You already had it installed, right?

3. Select the hard drive you want to scan. Wait for the scan to finish. (This can take between one and two hours -- part of Zero Assumption Recovery’s effectiveness is its thoroughness.)

4. With any luck, you’ll see a list of your missing folders and files. The freeware version of Zero Assumption Recovery allows you to recover up to four folders per scan. If you pay $100 for the full version, you get full recovery.

Note: You can also use Zero Assumption Recovery to recover deleted photos from your camera’s memory card.

Tip 1: Automatically log when and why shutdowns have occurred.

Love it or hate it, Windows XP is undeniably more stable than its predecessors. But it still crashes, and it still has occasional trouble shutting down. This registry hack logs all shutdown errors, telling you when, where, and why strange and annoying things have happened.

Some folks have the luxury of packing their buggy PC off to a help desk. But if you like to get your hands dirty, consider this essential tweakage.

Here’s how to set up logging for unexpected system shutdowns:

1. Open RegEdit and browse to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\
Reliability

2. Set the ShutDownReasonUI data value to 1. (If this string doesn’t exist, create it and set the value to 1.)

3. Exit RegEdit and reboot your PC.

To examine the log you’ve created, open up the Event Viewer, which you’ll find by selecting Control Panel > Administrative Tools > Event Viewer. Click on the System subheading and you’ll see a massive list of system events. Errors will be marked with a red X or a yellow exclamation mark. Double-click on the error and you’ll see details that may help you unravel the mystery.

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Windows keyboard shortcuts you never knew existed!

Windows keyboard shortcuts you never knew existed!
 

When you get to hang out with other experienced computer professionals you start to realize how many things you do not know. I have been working with Windows since 3.0 came out, and I still find something new all of the time. For example, I was sitting behind one of my tech friends and he was using alt-esc to tab through windows in the order they were opened - I never even knew this existed. I set out to get a comprehensive list of all the shortcuts. Here is what I have found so far:

CTRL and A Selects all the items in the active window.
CTRL and C Copies the item or items to the Clipboard and can be pasted using CTRL and V.
CTRL and F Displays the Find all files dialog box.
CTRL and G Displays the Go to folder dialog box.
CTRL and N Displays the New dialog box.
CTRL and O Displays the Open dialog box.
CTRL and P Displays the Print dialog box.
CTRL and S Displays the Save dialog box.
CTRL and V Pastes the copied item or items from the Clipboard.
CTRL and X Cuts the item or items selected to the Clipboard.
CTRL and Z Undoes the last action.
CTRL and F4 Closes the active document window.
CTRL while dragging an item Copy the selected item
CTRL+SHIFT with arrow keys Highlight a block of text
CTRL+F4 Close the active document
CTRL+ESC Display the Start menu
CTRL and F6 Opens the next document window in the active application.
ALT+ENTER View the properties for the selected item
ALT+F4 Close the active item, or quit the active program
ALT+SPACEBAR Open the shortcut menu for the active window
ALT+TAB Switch between the open items
ALT+ESC Cycle through items in the order that they had been opened
F1 key Gives help on the active window or selected item.
F2 key Rename the selected item
F3 key Search for a file or a folder
F4 key Display the Address bar list in My Computer or Windows Explorer
F5 key Update the active window
F6 key Cycle through the screen elements in a window or on the desktop
F10 key Activate the menu bar in the active program
Windows Logo Display or hide the Start menu
Windows Logo+BREAK Display the System Properties dialog box
Windows Logo+D Display the desktop
Windows Logo+M Minimize all of the windows
Windows Logo+SHIFT+M Restore the minimized windows
Windows Logo+E Open My Computer
Windows Logo+F Search for a file or a folder
CTRL+Windows Logo+F Search for computers
Windows Logo+F1 Display Windows Help
Windows Logo+ L Lock the keyboard
Windows Logo+R Open the Run dialog box
Windows Logo+U Open Utility Manager
TAB Move forward through the options
SHIFT+TAB Move backward through the options
CTRL+TAB Move forward through the tabs
CTRL+SHIFT+TAB Move backward through the tabs
ALT+Underlined letter Perform the corresponding command or select the corresponding option
ENTER Perform the command for the active option or button
SPACEBAR Select or clear the check box if the active option is a check box
F1 key Display Help
F4 key Display the items in the active list
Arrow keys Select a button if the active option is a group of option buttons
BACKSPACE Open a folder one level up if a folder is selected in the Save As or Open dialog box
END Display the bottom of the active window
HOME Display the top of the active window
NUM LOCK+Asterisk sign (*) Display all of the subfolders that are under the selected folder
NUM LOCK+Plus sign (+) Display the contents of the selected folder
NUM LOCK+Minus sign (-) Collapse the selected folder
LEFT ARROW Collapse the current selection if it is expanded, or select the parent folder
RIGHT ARROW Display the current selection if it is collapsed, or select the first subfolder

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hacking coke machines

Thanks to ch0pstickninja for teaching the world about the menu, and for Fire for assisting with research.

PREFACE
Coke vending machines are everywhere. They’re getting more and more like regular computers with LEDs that show little "ICE COLD" messages and whatnot. Well, there’s a lot more to those little built-in computers than you may think. Included in the low-level operating system that these babies run on is an actual debug menu that gives you access to all sorts of machine information and possibly gives you free cokes in older machines.

WHICH MACHINES WORK?
There’s a very strict list of vending machines that have the debug menu. First off, they’re all COCA-COLA product vending machines. This means the giant, un-missable picture on the front must show any of the following: Coke, Dasani (Water), Barq’s Root Beer, Vanilla Coke, Cherry Coke, Sprite, Evlan (water), Fanta, Fresca, Frutopia, Hi-C, Sprite Remix, Mad River, Mello Yello, Minute Maid, Nestea, Odwalla, Mr. Pibb/Pibb Xtra, Planet Java, Power Ade, Seagram’s Ginger Ale, Simply Orange, Sparkletts, or Tab. Of course anything Diet or Caffeine free works too.
The machine must have an LED screen. Some of the older ones just allow the LED to be set to a price amount and won’t have the debug menu. You’re safer if the little LED is telling you something. Usually it will scroll a little message like "Ice Cold Cokes". Newer machines are more likely candidates.

ACCESSING THE MENU
To enter the menu, there’s a button combination. HERE’S THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO REALLY REMEMBER:

[4]-[2]-[3]-[1]

The buttons are numbered depending on how they are positioned. They will either be vertical (more likely), or in horizontal rows of 4 buttons per row. If it is vertical, the first button is #1, the one below it is #2, and so forth. If the buttons are in horizontal rows, the first button is #1, and the one to the right of it is #2. The numbers work like a type writer after that. In rows of 4, the first button of row 2 will be button #5. So, to review, getting in to the debug menu looks like this:

COKE MACHINE::::::
$1.00 -------
-------------
[ Coke ] <-- Hit this button last
[ Coke ] <-- Hit this button second
[ Diet Coke ] <-- Hit this button third
[ Sprite ] <-- Hit this button first
[ And so on ]
-------------

Some text should show up on the LED (probably the word "Error", we’ll explain what it means next sections). If nothing happens, your machine doesn’t have the debug menu.

NAVIGATION
To navigate from option to option (What they are is next section), remember the numberings we gave the buttons. They work as follows:
Button [ 1 ] - Exit/Back
Button [ 2 ] - Up
Button [ 3 ] - Down
Button [ 4 ] - Select

OPTIONS
Depending on the age of the machine, you will get a varying amount of default options available.
On older machines: SALE, VER, EROR, and RTN
On newer machines: CASH, SALE, EROR, and RTN

CASH - Machine Earnings Display
The CASH option will display how much money is in the machine currently. It generally takes a second or two to load. From here, you can scroll up and down through 12 or 16 different options, depending on the machine age. These other options display how much money was spent on each individual item, classified through its button (or slot, as I like to call it) number.
A neat side note about the slot numbers is that there are more slot numbers than there are actual slot, so usually the last 4 buttons contain zero money. This could be so that the same OS could be used on bigger machines, but the newer machines have even more slot numbers.

SALE - Total Sale Count
The SALE option displays how many drinks have been sold out of the machine. This tends to be cumulative, but not on all machines. The stock guy is probably supposed to reset this each time he re-stocks. Also, this has the same sub-options as the CASH option, where you can scroll up and down and see how many drinks have been sold from each slot.

VER - System/Machine Version?
This option will cause a large alphanumeric string to scroll across the LCD. The number looks very much like a serial number, but doesn’t vary from machine to machine. It is most likely the OS or machine version number, but of the older machines that have the option, I haven’t seen one that doesn’t have the same number.

EROR - Error Log
There are 8 different types of errors - COLJ (Column Jams), VEnd (Vend Mechanism), door (Door Switch), sels (Select Switch), CHAR (Changer Errors), acce (Acceptor Errors), StS (Space-to-sales errors), and bVal (Bill Validators). The separate types and actual errors are useless, as you assumably can’t get inside the machine, BUT(!) you can clear the errors. Hold the enter (Number 4) button down for about 2 seconds, and it should clear the error.

RTN - Return
This is simply the return option. Selecting this will exit the debug menu. On newer machines, pressing the BACK button at the main menu will not exit, and RTN must be selected.
A side note: The menu can also be exited by pressing the coin return button.

EXTRAS
By holding in the coin return button and not releasing, on the newer "big-button" machines, this will display the internal temperature in Fahrenheit, as in "42F".

**Update**
There are many more menu options that are only accessible if they’ve either been enabled from the computer inside the machine, or on the internal computer behind the door (Probably not feasible for you to access).

CPO - Coin Payout Mode
You can can dump coins from the coin mechanism, and the various menu options allow you to choose which type of coins (Nickels, dimes, etc.) are dumped.

tVFL - Tube Fill Mode
This is useless to you. This allows you to load coins into the coin tubes, which you can’t do from the outside.

TEST - Test Routines
This allows you to test the following various routines:
SE Allows you to test the buttons. Will give you number
of button when you press it
SP Sold-out paddle test. Not quite sure, most likely internal function.
Su Sold-out switch test. Same as paddle.
CO Motor test. Will run various column motors.
Cn Coin test. Put in a coin and it will tell you what kind of
coin it is.
nA Note acceptor test. Same as Cn, but for bills.
dSP Display test. Will illuminate various LEDs.
vErS Rattles off version number.

RELY - Relay test
This tests the relay electronic control of various parts. Do not do, as it will cause damage if various internal parts are not unplugged before usage.

PASS - Password
This is not normally accessible, but allows you to change the menu password from the 4-2-3-1. Whoo!

PrIC - Price Setting
Used to set the price for a drink. Not sure how to work it, but it seems simple enough.

StOS - Space-to-sales routine
Lets you change the STS routine and other options. This means that various buttons will all mean the same thing, i.e. the 6 coke buttons don’t actually vend from 6 different columns, but vend from one (changing when one runs out of course).

COn - Machine Configuration/Permissions
This is the machine config menu that decides what of these options you are allowed to access through the outside panel. This is probably only accessible with the door open. I won’t go into detail, but I’ll list the Config numbers and what each do: C1 sets price menu on, C2 sets special (manufacturer) options on), C3 disables the "ICE COLD COKE" message. C4 is autoviewing of menu when door is opened, C5 is door switch status, C6 is mysteriously reserved for "future use", C7 determines whether your money credit stays in for 5 minutes or indefinitely, C8 is Force Vend, C9 allows multiple vends without putting in more money (i.e put in a 5 and get 3 cokes and then your change), and C10 is Escrow Inhibit.

CCoC - Correct Change Only Control
Adjusts Correct Change only rule to your liking.

TIME - Time Adjustment
Allows you to set the machine’s local time.

LANG - Language Selection
Not sure how many languages are supported, but there are apparently more than just English.

USEFULNESS
Unless you can get behind the door, there’s little you can do with this except impress your friends. However, if you’re able to set the C-switches properly, you’ll be able to manipulate the machine in any way you want, get free drinks, change the price, set up cool buy-one-get-one-free deals, etc, etc :). Not to forget, knowledge is power. One step closer to free sodas!

 
Last Updated ( Thursday, 31 March 2005 ) 

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Re-sort Favorites, All In One Go

Re-sort Favorites, All In One Go

     Hi Fred, I just found a tip in the latest printed version of
     the UK publication PC Advisor ( http://www.pcadvisor.co.uk  )
     solving a problem I have had for years. The tip may interest
     your readers.
    
     The tip tells how to "sort Internet Explorer Favorites in one
     go", rather than "organizing the IE Favorites menu by right-
     clicking an item and selecting Sort by Name.... The problem
     with this technique," the tip states, "is that you must repeat
     it for each submenu, and that gets kind of dull after a while."
     The proposed solution is to edit the key in the Registry called
    
Hkey_Current_User\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Explorer\MenuOrder\Favorites
     by deleting the Order value there. I tried it and after exiting
     Regedit and starting Internet Explorer, my Favorites get sorted
     automatically in alphabetical order, just as I like it. Before
     deleting the Order value, I exported a backup of the key, just
     in case I would change my mind later.

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20 Windows Tips For Users Old and New

20 Windows Tips For Users Old and New

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

ByNeil J. Rubenking

Whether your computer experience dates back to the DOS days or began with Windows XP, there’s always something new to learn about the popular OS. We’ve collected some of our favorite tips for working in Windows. Congratulate yourself for the ones you already know, and see how many new tricks you can learn. Except where noted, these tips apply to Windows 98, Me, 2000, and XP. Some tips are applicable to Windows 95 and NT 4.0 as well.

Remember the Keyboard

Windows is a WIMP. That is, its interface is based on Windows, Icons, Menus, and Pointers. Still, taking your hand off the keyboard to grasp the mouse can disrupt your typing. And what if the mouse is unavailable, perhaps because you’re troubleshooting a mouse driver problem? Almost anything you can do by clicking and dragging you can do just as well via your keyboard.

Using the Alt Tab

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

Clicking on a taskbar button activates the corresponding program, but the icons are small, and the button captions are often truncated into gibberish. Press Alt-Tab repeatedly to cycle through larger icons representing open programs—even some that don’t show up on the taskbar. Pressing Shift-Alt-Tab cycles the other way, in case you missed the application you wanted.

Windows Logo and Application Key Substitutes

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

If you’re stuck using a keyboard that lacks the Windows logo and Application (right-click) keys, you can substitute Ctrl-Esc and Shift-F10, respectively.

Find the Missing Window

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

When configuration changes cause a window to stray outside the visible desktop area, haul it back using your keyboard. Alt-Spacebar invokes the window’s System menu, which typically appears in the upper-left-hand corner, but with an off-screen window, appears as close as possible to the off-screen window. Press M for Move and use the Arrow keys to bring the errant window back into view (Figure 1).

These are just a few of the powerful shortcut keys available in Windows. To learn more of them, launch Help from the Start menu and search the Index for shortcut keys.

Using Disk Cleanup

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

A system clogged with unnecessary files runs more slowly, and the mess makes important things harder to find. To cut through the clutter, open the Start menu and select Programs | Accessories | System Tools | Disk Cleanup. The Disk Cleanup applet calculates the amount of space you can save by emptying the Recycle Bin, deleting temporary Internet files, and (for NTFS drives) compressing old files (Figure 2). Check off the options that make sense and click on OK to regain the specified amount of hard drive space.

Change the Size of the Recycle Bin

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

You might be surprised at the amount of space Disk Cleanup saves by emptying the Recycle Bin. By default, Windows allocates up to 10 percent of each drive for the Recycle Bin. This method made sense when drives were measured in megabytes. But these days, you can set the amount as low as 1 percent for a large drive by right-clicking on Recycle Bin, choosing Properties, setting the new percentage, and clicking on OK.

Remove Unused Programs

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

To get rid of never- or seldom-used programs, launch Add/Remove Programs from the Control Panel and examine each item. Don’t meddle with items that are completely unfamiliar; they may be required by the system. But if you find a standalone application that you no longer use, get rid of it! Depending on the program in question, Add/Remove Programs in Windows 2000 and XP reveals the size of the installation, as well as how recently and how often it was used.

Cleanup Outlook Express Mail

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

You should also take a look at your Outlook Express message folders. When you delete a message or move it to another folder, OE simply marks the original message as deleted without actually removing it. Start by right-clicking on the Deleted Items folder and emptying it. Then choose File | Folder | Compact All Folders to free up all the space occupied by those marked messages. If you’ve never done this before, emptying the folders can take quite a while. Afterward, OE may load noticeably faster.

Get Hardware Details from the Device Manager

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

When you run into a problem with Windows or an application, support technicians will likely ask for complex details about your hardware configuration. You can get all the information they request without ever opening your computer’s case. Right-click on My Computer and choose Properties, or launch the System applet from the Control Panel. Depending on your Windows version, either click on the Device Manager tab or click on the Device Manager button on the Hardware tab. You’ll find an exhaustive list of your system’s hardware, organized by type. Double-click on a device for its detailed information and, on some platforms, a Troubleshooter option (Figure 3).

Get Even More Hardware Information

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

For a more detailed view of certain hardware elements, launch DXDIAG from the Start menu’s Run dialog. Although it’s designed to diagnose DirectX problems, the System, Sound, and Display tabs of the dialog provide useful information about the CPU, memory, sound card, and display adapter—including the amount of video memory (see Figure 4).

Learn More with System Information

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

Of course, a prime source of system information is the System Information applet itself. From the Start menu, select Programs | Accessories | System Tools | System Information. The Hardware Resources and Components groups in particular reveal data about the system’s hardware. You may not be able to interpret all of the information, but you can save a text report and pass it along to tech support.

Learn What’s Running

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

Many programs install themselves so they launch automatically at Windows start-up. Whether you need them or not, they’re using memory and CPU cycles. Windows 98, Me, and XP users can disable unnecessary background programs using the Startup tab of the MSCONFIG program, which you can launch from the Start menu’s Run dialog. Windows 2000 users will need a third-party tool, such as PC Magazine’s Startup Cop utility.

Disabling anything listed in either MSCONFIG or Startup Cop should be safe. But keep in mind that if you disable the system tray, you’ll lose the clock and volume control in the system tray. Also, one or more instances of LoadPowerProfile or TweakUI do no harm, because they don’t remain in memory.

Identify Cryptic Processes

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

You can see what’s currently running on your system by launching the Task Manager by pressing Ctrl-Alt-Del. In Windows 98 and Me, you will see a simple list of active applications. Windows XP and 2000 will also list all active processes along with their memory usage and CPU time (Figure 5). Don’t worry if the System Idle process seems to be hogging the CPU; all unused CPU cycles are assigned to this process.

To identify cryptic processes with names like Ctfmon.exe, you can get help on the Internet. There are a number of Web sites that list and identify those names, such as Pacman’s Portal: Startup Tips and AnswersThatWork.com: Task List Programs (Figure 6).

Use Windows Help

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

If you have a problem with your computer, don’t call for tech support right away. Select Help from the Start menu and enter the search term troubleshooters in the Index tab. If the Help system doesn’t have a trouble-shooter for your particular problem, try searching on other terms related to the problem.

Capture Error Messages

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

Many computer problems involve error messages, and it’s essential to record the precise wording of these messages. In Windows 2000 and XP, pressing Ctrl-C will copy most error messages to the Clipboard. Launch Notepad, paste a copied message, and save it. Under Windows 98 and Me (or when Ctrl-C doesn’t work), type the exact text of the message into Notepad for reference. (You can also take a screenshot of the error message by hitting Alt-PrintScreen, which copies the screen image to the Clipboard, and then opening Paint and pasting the image into a blank file. You now have a picture of the error message.) When copying or reporting an error message, you can omit the interminable lists of numbers found at the end of some message boxes.

Use Microsoft Knowledge Base

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

The next place to go for help is the immense Microsoft Knowledge Base. Navigate to http://support.microsoft.com and type in a few search terms that describe the difficulty—for instance, shutdown problem—or search on an exact phrase from an error message. If necessary, refine the search by selecting your version of Windows from the drop-down list provided.

If all else fails, you can call tech support and describe the problem, along with the remedies you’ve tried. And of course, you now know the skills to provide any system information that tech support requests.

Traversing Directories with the Command Prompt

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

Old-school DOS users remember launching programs and performing all their file management tasks with the command prompt. Budding advanced users will also want to learn about the powerful features still accessible in this monochrome window. Windows Explorer provides a handy view of your hard drive’s file system, but the command prompt is better for certain tasks.

The two can even work together: When you drag a file or folder from Explorer to a command prompt window, its full path name is appended to the command line. For example, you can type CD (CD for Change Directory followed by a space) and then drag a folder to the command prompt. When you press Enter, the command prompt changes directory to the specified folder. Conversely, you can enter "explorer /e,." (explorer, space, slash, e, comma, period) at the prompt to open Windows Explorer in the folder you’re working with (see Figure 7).

Using DIR Command

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

The DIR command provides a directory listing of the current folder, but it omits files with Hidden and System attributes. DIR /A shows all files—regardless of their attributes. You can also use the ATTRIB command to display or change the attributes of matching files. For example, ATTRIB -H DESKTOP.INI will unhide a Desktop.ini file.

Using XCOPY

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

Windows Explorer can copy selected files or folders to other locations. For a finer level of control, use the XCOPY command at the command prompt. XCOPY’s abilities include copying all files matching one or more file specifications, all files changed on or after a specific date, or all files that have the archive bit set. Other options let you find and copy matching files in subdirectories, copy over read-only files, retain file attributes when copying, and more. The command XCOPY /? lists the XCOPY command’s syntax, but the data fills more than one screen. For a full listing, redirect that information into the file Xcopy.txt using the command XCOPY /? > XCOPY.TXT, then open Xcopy.txt in Notepad.

Run Programs from the Command Prompt

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

To run a program from the Command Prompt, just type its name. To launch a data file, you need the START command. For example, START XCOPY.TXT will open the specified text file in Notepad.

Find Matching Files with Command Prompt

ARTICLE DATE:04.22.03

Whereas the DIR command lists files matching a file specification, the FOR command acts on matching files. The following command opens all files in the current directory whose filename is Project1, launching each in the application appropriate to its extension:

FOR %v IN (PROJECT1.*) DO START %v. The %v represents a variable; you can use any letter. For each file that matches the list of file specifications in parentheses, the command after DO repeats, substituting that file’s name for the variable. With Window 2000 and XP, the FOR command is even more powerful. For a full list of its features, enter FOR/? > FORHELP.TXT and launch Forhelp.txt.

The commands we’ve discussed are hardly the only DOS-style functions that remain useful under Windows. To get a list of all the standard commands, enter HELP > HELP.TXT and view Help.txt in Notepad (Figure 8).

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How to stop a baby from crying

Stop The Crying

This video is in Japanese, so I can’t be certain what’s going on. See it for yourself: How to stop a baby crying.

I think the way to stop a baby from crying is to spit wine on it -- or maybe they’re spitting out Japanese words.

from: http://j-walkblog.com/

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Jokes and Quotes Misc

For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember: half the people you know are below average.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but dogs don’t get sucked into jet engines.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I intend to live forever -- so far so good.
Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don’t expect it back.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
The only substitue for good manners is fast reflexes.
Support bacteria -- it’s the only culture some people have.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don’t get until after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Bills travel though the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Realize that no matter what you do, the grocery store
check-out line you’re in will always take the longest.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Anything you buy will go on sale the next day.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
The colder the x-ray table the more of you body is required on it.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of an itch is inversely proportional to your ability to reach it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behine the more time you’ll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new car for you spouse -- it’ll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous -- tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.
jokes

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EVER WONDER?

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think
I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
out?"

2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?
I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song
about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?

6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,
but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed
if they are going to look up there anyway?

8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They’re both dogs!

9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme
crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (sound it out...)

11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made
from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come
from morons?

13. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
have thesame tune?

14. Stop singing and read on....

15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he
gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head
out the window? ...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10
cell. AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8
cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day. AT WORK...you only get
a break for one meal and you pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK...you
get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all
the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK...you get
fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet. AT WORK...you have to
share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit. AT
WORK...you can’t even speak to your family.
IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no
work required. AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go
to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for
prisoners.
IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to
get out. AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get
out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens. AT
WORK...they are called managers.

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That Sums It Up
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man smart woman = romance
Smart man dumb woman = affair
Dumb man smart woman = marriage
Dumb man dumb woman = pregnancy
SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
POSTULATES
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and
love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try
not to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men
are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no
use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change,
and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.
There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.

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Here are 16 actual error messages reportedly seen on the computer
screens in Japan, where some are written in Haiku.
Aren’t these better than
"your computer has performed an illegal operation"?
...................................................
The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.
--------------------------------------------
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
-----------------------------------------------
Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too
much.
------------------------------------------------
Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your
screams.
-------------------------------------------------
Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.
-------------------------------------
Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
-------------------------------------------
Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is
down.
-------------------------------------------------
A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
-------------------------------------------------
Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has
occurred?
-------------------------------------------------
You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not
here.
-------------------------------------------------
Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will.
------------------------------------------------
Having been erased, the document you’re seeking must now be retyped.
-------------------------------------------------
Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared.
-------------------------------------------------
Screen......Mind..........Both are blank.
Subject: go figure
Two tough questions
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded,
and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the answer for t

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quotes
Fear not my insanity, fear the mind it protects.
Do not disturb. I had a hard enough time getting turbed in the
first place.
I stayed in a really, really old hotel last night. They sent me a
wake-up letter.
Repeating what others have said requires education; challenging
it requires brains.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
door went nuts!
My antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.
Expansion slots: The extra holes in your belt buckle.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I like to paint passing lines on curved roads.
Expect the best, prepare for the worst and capitalize on what
comes.
Speed kills - slow infuriates!
Pushing my luck is a great way to stay in shape!
Diplomacy - the art of letting someone else get your way.
Time flies when you have no idea what you are doing.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
Draft beer, not people!
She who laughs the last thinks the slowest.
The severity of an itch is without a doubt proportional to the
reach.
Common sense isn’t very common at all.
Who put a stop payment on my reality check?
Hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping
pill.
He who slings mud loses ground.
If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.
That which is acquired without difficulty is dispersed with equal
facility.
The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.
People are funny. They want the front of the bus, middle of the
road, and the back of the church.
Please do not complain about the coffee. You’ll be old and weak
someday, too!
Killing time murders opportunities.
Let nature take its course and hope it passes.
Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the
present tense.Hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping
pill.
He who slings mud loses ground.
If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.
That which is acquired without difficulty is dispersed with equal
facility.
The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.
People are funny. They want the front of the bus, middle of the
road, and the back of the church.
Please do not complain about the coffee. You’ll be old and weak
someday, too!
Killing time murders opportunities.
Let nature take its course and hope it passes.
Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the
present tense.
A person who can’t lead and won’t follow makes a great roadblock!
Rome didn’t create a great empire by scheduling meetings; they
did it by killing all those who opposed them.
After all is said and done, more is said than done.
If I worked as much as others, I would get as little accomplished
as they do.
The first 90f a new project takes 10f the time, the
remaining 10akes the other 90f the time.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
Odd objects attract fire - never creep behind one!
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. -- Groucho Marx
Tracers work both ways.
If we’re not supposed to eat animals then why are they made out of
meat?
A bore is someone who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it. --Henry
Ford
I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
The number one cause of divorce is marriage.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
Athletes love to score!
Yes, I’ve heard of decaf - what’s your point?
I’ll finish that project tomorrow, I’ve made enough mistakes today!
My computer doesn’t understand me.
-----------------------------------------------------
"He can compress the most words into the smallest
idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln
"I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But, this
wasn’t it." - Groucho Marx
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -
Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting
from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker
forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame
them."- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
"In order to avoid being called a flirt,
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A little bit of wisdom!!!

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for
I
may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell
alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
leaky
tire.

3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your
neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be
promoted.

5. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of
car
payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes.
That
way, when you criticize him, you’re a mile away and you have his shoes.

9. If at first you don

Te quiero y te extrano too

Bits Bytes Chips Clocks
Bits in bytes on chips in box.
Bytes with bits and chips with clocks.
Chips in box on ether-docks.
Chips with bits come. Chips with bytes come.
Chips with bits and bytes and clocks come.
Look, sir. Look, sir. read the book, sir.
Let’s do tricks with bits and bytes, sir.
Let’s do tricks with chips and clocks, sir.
First, I’ll make a quick trick bit stack.
Then I’ll make a quick trick byte stack.
You can make a quick trick chip stack.
You can make a quick trick clock stack.
And here’s a new trick on the scene.
Bits in bytes for your machine.
Bytes in words to fill your screen.
Now we come to ticks and tocks, sir.
Try to say this by the clock, sir.
Clocks on chips tick.
Clocks on chips tock.
Eight byte bits tick.
Eight bit bytes tock.
Clocks on chips with eight bit bytes tick.
Chips with clocks and eight byte bits tock.
Here’s an easy game to play.
Here’s an easy thing to say....
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn’t hash,
then your situation’s hopeless, and your system’s gunna crash.
You can’t say this? What a shame, sir!
We’ll find you another game, sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side-effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gunna hang!
When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM.
quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!

---------------------------------------------

feel sorry for people who don’t drink.
When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk,they’re sober.
--William Butler Yeats
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce
George Carlin Imponderables
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does
he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland
called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What’s a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your
two cents in... what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale
bread to begin with?
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a race car not called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,and dry cleaners depressed?
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me: they’re cramming for their
final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on
the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the
mail?
23. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
the others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.

You’re just jealous because the little voices talk to ME.
I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
Did you have anything to do with the failure of
Preparations A thru G?

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Please try to get the voices in your head to come to a consensus.

I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
I’m already visualizing the masking tape over your mouth.
I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
No, my powers can only be used for good.

We’re the team that puts the "K" in "Kwality"
Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
I don’t have a solution, but I admire your problem.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

How about never?
Is never good for you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ANCIENT CONFUSED WISDOM
* Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
* A backward poet writes inverse.
* A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
* Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
* Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
* Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
* A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
* A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
* Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
* Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
* Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
* Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
* When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
* A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
* In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
* She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
* A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
* If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
* With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
* When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
* The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
* You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
* Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
* He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
* Every calendar's days are numbered.
* A lot of money is tainted - It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
* A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
* A plateau is a high form of flattery.
* A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
* Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
* Acupuncture is a jab well done

Excel Tips

Excel tips

--------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------

Preventing Hidden Sheets from Appearing
Tip # 111 from - F1 Get the Most out of Excel! The Ultimate Excel Tip Help Guide
When a sheet is hidden and the workbook is not protected, it will still appear in the list of hidden sheets in the Unhide box (from the Format menu, select Sheet, and then Unhide).
To prevent hidden sheets from appearing in the Unhide box:
1. Click the Properties icon OR from the Control Toolbox toolbar, click the Properties icon.2. From the Visible dropdown list, select xlSheetVeryHidden.
To cancel the xlSheetVeryHidden option for a hidden sheet:
1. Press Alt+F11 to open the VBE.2. Under VBAProject in the left pane, double-click the sheet name you want to unhide.3. Press F4 or click the Properties icon to open the sheet's Properties dialog box.4. In the Visible dropdown list, select xlSheetVisible.5. Press Alt+F4 to close the VBE.

--------------------------------------------------------

Limiting the Movement in an Unprotected Sheet (http://www.exceltip.com/st/TipofTheDay/674.html)
In this example, the sheet is divided into two parts: an area where movement is allowed (the Scroll Area), and an area where movement is restricted (that is, a protected area), without protecting the sheet.
Set the Scroll Area range in the Properties dialog box:
1. Click the Properties icon OR From the Control Toolbox toolbar, click the Properties icon.2. In the Scroll Area text box, type the scroll area range, or type the defined Name for the range (this is flexible, if you plan to add more data to the range, it is better to use a defined Name).3. To cancel the Scroll Area restricted range, clear the Scroll Area text box.
Note: You cannot add two Scroll Areas to the Scroll Area text box.
View screenshots at: http://www.exceltip.com/images/screenshots/674.gif

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Get the Last Nonblank Cell in An Excel Range

By Neil J. Rubenking June 22, 2004
Total posts: 6


I have an Excel spreadsheet containing several instances of information for each month in a two-year period. In each case I need a formula to display the contents of the last nonblank cell in the two-year range. I tried using the IF function, but you can only nest seven IF functions. I tried other formulas without success. What formula can I use to display the most recent entry—that is, the last nonblank cell?Jean CooperFirst, let's work up a formula that will yield the row number of the last nonblank cell. We'll assume labels in cells A2:A25 and values in B2:B25, with the formula for the most recent entry in B26. In that cell, type=MAX(IF(NOT(ISBLANK (B2:B25)), ROW(B2:B25),0)) Instead of pressing Enter, press Ctrl-Shift-Enter to create an array formula. Excel processes each element of the array B2:B25 in turn, returning the row number for nonblank elements and a zero for blank elements. The MAX() function returns the maximum of these results, which is the last nonblank row.To get the contents of that cell, we'll use the OFFSET function. OFFSET returns the contents of a cell that's a specific number of rows and columns away from the starting cell. To convert the row number found with the first formula into an offset, simply subtract the row number of the starting cell. Don't delete the first formula; insert OFFSET(B2, at the beginning and add -ROW(B2),0) at the end. That yields this new formula, which you must again finish using Ctrl-Shift-Enter.=OFFSET(B2, MAX(IF(NOT (ISBLANK(B2:B25)), ROW(B2:B25),0))-ROW(B2),0)You can copy this formula to the cell just below each of your other two-year ranges. Note that the same technique works even if the data has some gaps.

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Double Drop-Down Validation in Excel

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,1585456,00.asp
Captured Text Selection:
Is there a way to make the drop-down list that appears for cell validation conditional on the value in another cell? Suppose one cell contains a drop-down list containing categories like Cabinets, Appliances, and Flooring. I want another cell to show a drop-down list of various cabinets when Cabinets is selected, of appliances when Appliances is selected, and so on.Bob FusariIf your spreadsheet doesn't already have them, create a separate list of each type of product. Highlight each list in turn and choose Insert Name Define from the menu, using the category name as the name for this range. For our simple example, we'll put the three categories in the first three columns of a worksheet, with the category names at top. Then select the row of category names and use Insert Name Define to name that range Categories.Let's suppose the user will choose a category in cell E2 and a product in cell F2. Click in E2 and select Validation from the Data menu. Select List from the drop-down titled Allow and enter =Categories in the Source box, then click OK. This establishes a simple list-based validation rule the user can enter only values found in the Categories range, and those values appear in a drop-down list.Now click in cell F2, select Data Validation, and choose List from the Allow drop-down, as before. This time in the Source box enter =INDIRECT(E2). This selects the range named by the contents of cell E2. If E2 contains "Cabinets," the list of cabinets will be presented in F2, and so on. When the user selects a different category in E2, the list in F2 changes. It is still possible to get a mismatch if the user chooses a product and then changes the category.

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Counting Unique Names in Excel, Reloaded
August 3, 2004By Neil J. Rubenking
In the article "Count Unique Names in Excel" ( www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,1537551,00.asp ) a reader asked about finding unique names in a list of 900,000 names. You suggested that the number may have been exaggerated, given Excel's limit of 65,536 rows. But what if the names were in multiple columns? As long as there aren't more than 65,530 unique names, you can still use a pivot table, employing a rarely mentioned feature. I have tested the approach with 232,140 (4*65,535) names and it only takes a minute or two to set up, and then only seconds to generate the pivot table (I'm running on a 3.2GHz machine with 1GB of RAM). Here's how to proceed:1. Starting with the second column, click on the column letter and hold down the Ctrl key, then one at a time click on each column to the right, selecting all columns except A once each. Then press Shift+Ctrl+Plus (the plus in the top row, not the numeric keypad). This will insert blank columns to the right of each set of names.2. Click on the column letters for each of the blank columns while holding down the control key. Then type 1 and press Ctrl+Enter, to enter 1's in all the cells adjacent to the names. (I am assuming that the names extend all the way down the columns. If they don't, use another method to select the appropriate cells.)3. Choose the menu command Data Pivot Table... and check Multiple consolidation range (a command I've never had a use for before!). Click on Next, and click on Next again, accepting the default. In the Range box of Step 2b, select the range A1:B65536 and click on Add. Continue this process for each pair of columns containing names and adjacent 1's. Click on Finish and use your count command on the pivot table output.Shane DevenshireAs noted, the Multiple consolidation ranges option in the Pivot Table wizard allows consolidation of more than the 65,536 items that can fit in a single column. The reader with the original question may indeed have been dealing with 900,000 names. We repeated the process described above using 14 columns rather than four, for a total of over 900,000 names, and the Pivot Table processed the results in under 15 seconds.On the way to exercising the Pivot Table feature, this tip employs several useful Excel features that might not be familiar. Holding Shift+Ctrl while pressing the top-row plus key will insert cells in relation to the highlighted selection. If a whole row or column is selected, it will insert a new row or column. But, as we've seen here, if multiple rows or columns are selected, it will insert new blank ones before each. Also, if you select multiple cells, enter some data, and press Ctrl+Enter, the data will be copied into all of the cells. Not everyone needs to perform pivot-table consolidation of huge quantities of data, but everyone can benefit from these handy tips to work smarter in Excel.

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To select Column(s) or Row(s) Using Keyboard Shortcuts: To select a column(s), select a cell or several cells in a sheet, and press Ctrl+Spacebar. To select a row(s), select a cell or several cells in a sheet, and press Shift+Spacebar. To continue selecting columns or rows, press Shift+Arrow keys.

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To reduce the workbook size:

1. Press Ctrl+End to find the last cell in the used area within the sheet. In the screenshot, the last cell is E17.
2. Find the last cell containing data in the sheet. In the screenshot, the last cell containing data is cell C11.
3. Delete all the rows between the cells containing data to the row of the last cell in the used area. In the screenshot, the rows to delete are 12:17.
4. Delete all columns to the right of the column of the last cell containing data, up to the column of the last cell in the area used. In the screenshot, the columns to delete are D:E.
5. To quickly delete the rows, select the first row to delete (row 12 in the screenshot), press Ctrl+Shift+Down Arrow. To quickly delete the columns, select the first column to delete (column D in the screenshot), and press Ctrl+Shift+Right Arrow, press Shift+F10 and from the shortcut menu, press Delete.
6. Repeat the steps above for each sheet in the entire workbook.
7. Press Ctrl+S to save the file.

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Synchronize System Clocks

If you have several PCs connected to your network, keeping the time synchronized between all of them is a snap. Designate one system to be the timekeeper. On the others, create a shortcut in the \Windows\StartUp folder with the command line C:\WINDOWS\NET.EXETIME\\MAIN/SET/YES, in which MAIN is the network name of the system that keeps the time.

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In Excel 2000, is there any easy way to save a block of rows and columns as a simple HTML table? I regularly get Excel spreadsheets that I need to publish to the Web, but I don’t want all the extra formatting junk that Microsoft embeds to make the file specific to Internet Explorer. I just want the basic HTML, which I’ll adjust in my Web editor.

Stew Stryker

When you save a workbook as HTML, Excel does indeed dump in a load of extra formatting. I don’t see any way to avoid that, but you can create your unformatted table in a few simple steps.

Save the Excel file as tab-delimited text, and load the resulting file into Word. Search for tab (^t) and replace each occurrence with </TD><TD>. Search for end-of-line (^p) and replace each instance with </TD></TR>^p<TR><TD>. You now have an extra <TR><TD> on a blank line at the bottom, and the same text missing at the start of the very first line. Move the extra text to the beginning of the first line. Add the <TABLE> tag at the top and </TABLE> at the end and you’re ready to copy the document into your HTML page.

I have an Excel spreadsheet that I set up to keep track of my stock portfolio. Given a stock symbol in a cell, is there an easy way for Excel to retrieve the current stock price via a macro or some other option?

A. Caraktir

In Excel 2002, there are several different ways to get the information you want. Check to make sure you have Smart Tags enabled, then select AutoCorrect Options... from the Tools menu and click on the Smart Tags tab. Once this feature is enabled, a smart tag will appear when you point your mouse cursor at a cell containing the stock symbol. Clicking on the tag’s down arrow will present a menu of options (see screen). You can choose Insert refreshable stock price.... to put the information into a worksheet or just choose Stock quote on MSN Money to display current information in your browser.

If you locate the stock information you want on a Web page, you can import it directly into Excel. Choose Data Import External Data New Web Query... from the menu and enter the URL (for example, http://moneycentral.msn.com/scripts/webquote.dll?ipage=qd&Symbol=BORL). The Web Query window will display the page with small arrow icons marking the page elements you can import. Click on the arrows for the desired elements, which will then change to check marks. Now click on the Import button to bring those elements into your spreadsheet. You can click on the Refresh Data button in the External Data toolbar at any time to update the information.



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To gain quick access to the items in your Control Panel, add a pop-out Control Panel folder to your Start menu. To do this, right-click the Start button, and select Open. In the Start Menu window that appears, select File, New, then Folder. To name the folder, type:

Control Panel.{21EC2020-3AEA-1069-A2DD-08002B30309D}

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Launching an EXE File

If you have a setup.exe, rather than a Windows Installer (MSI) file, you can launch it using the Wscript.Shell object.



set objShell = CreateObject( "WScript.Shell" )

lngReturn = objShell.Run ("setup.exe", 1, 1)

set objShell = Nothing

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You can quickly move to the last cell in a contiguous block of blank or non-blank cells without leaving the current cell. You simply double-click the current cell’s border; the border you choose will determine the direction of the move. For instance, if you’re in the middle of a large block of data and you want to move to the top cell within that block of data, simply double-click the top border of the current cell. You’ll know you’re in the right place to double-click because the cursor will change to a four-headed arrow. If you want to move to the last cell to the right within that same block of data, double-click the current cell’s right border. The same is true when moving to the left or down. Double-click the left or the bottom border of the current cell, respectively.

You can get a similar effect by holding Ctrl while pressing an arrow key. If the adjacent cell in the selected direction contains data, you’ll move to the last non-blank cell in that direction. If not, you’ll move to the next non-blank cell in that direction.

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I want to create an Excel template that includes a default header. One of the fields should be the date the file was last saved, so the file can be "version controlled" using that date rather than the current date.

Peter Marlin

This should be easy, but it isn’t. Unfortunately, when you open an Excel file, the date that the file was last modified changes to the current date. Thus, any attempt to extract the date the file was last modified using VBA’s DateLastModified property sim

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MS Word Tips

Word Tips

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Display BIG Numbers as Text in Word 01.18.05 Total posts: 3
By Neil J. Rubenking The tip "Display Numbers as Text in Word" works fine except when writing a million or more. Is there a way to display very big numbers as text in Word?Yehuda MeltzerADVERTISEMENT Congratulations on winning the lottery! As you note, the DollarText field switch works only with numbers under one million. For numbers a million or more but less than a billion, you could do the job with two fields. Suppose your number is $123,456,789.12. As before, press Ctrl+F9 to insert the curly braces that define a field. Enter this text inside the braces, omitting the quotes: "=123456789.12 / 1000000 \* CardText". This field spells out in text the value of your number divided by a million. Type "million" and press Ctrl+F9 again. This time insert the text "=MOD(123456789.12, 1000000) \* DollarText". The MOD function returns the remainder when your number is divided by a million. The whole thing will look like this:{=123456789.12 / 1000000 \* CardText} million {=MOD(123456789.12, 1000000) \* DollarText}Right-click on each field and choose Update Field from the menu, then press Alt+F9 to display the field result. You'll see this: "one hundred twenty-three million four hundred fifty-six thousand seven hundred eighty-nine and 12/100." Now, if you want the solution for numbers a billion and over, you're going to have to share some of that lottery money.

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Fast Access to Often-Used Documents

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


You can keep frequently used documents readily available on Word's
menu bar so you don't have to use the File menu and search through
files and folders to find them. You do this by adding a Work menu to
Word's menu bar. Simply go to View Toolbars Customize, choose
the Commands tab, and select Built-in Menus from the list of
categories. Then choose Work from the list of commands and drag it
to where you want it on the top-line menu. From your new menu,
choose Add to work menu to attach a filename to the menu. To remove
a filename, press Ctrl-Alt-Minus and click on the item you want to
remove.



Open the Last-Opened Document

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


You can create an icon on your desktop that will launch Word and
automatically open the document you last opened. Either locate the
file Winword .exe in Windows Explorer (for Office 2003, this is
typically in C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\OFFICE11) or find it
with the Search item on the Start menu (in the Search tool, you'll
probably need to turn on More advanced options, then add checkmarks
next to Search system folders and Search subfolders).
Once you find Winword .exe, right-click on the file icon and drag it
to your desktop, and then select Create Shortcuts Here. Right-click
on the new shortcut icon, choose Properties, and go to the Shortcut
tab. In the Target field, after the existing file path, add a space
and then /mFile1. You can also assign a shortcut key if you want to
launch the file with a keystroke combination. When you're done,
click on Apply. In the General tab, give the shortcut a descriptive
name and click on OK.





Using the Paste Special Command

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


When you copy text from the Web or another document into a Word
file, Word will reproduce the typeface, color, and font size
displayed in the original page. If you want the pasted text to match
the formatting in the destination document, use Edit Paste
Special, and choose Unformatted Text.





Rearrange Paragraphs With Two Keystrokes

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


Do you need to swap the second and third paragraphs in the document
you're working on? Don't waste time dragging text around within your
document using the mouse. Just click on the paragraph you'd like to
move, hold down Shift-Alt, and move the paragraph up or down using
the arrow keys. Each press of the arrow key causes the selected
paragraph to jump over one adjacent paragraph.





Erase Private Information

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


Word documents contain hidden information that can provide clues to
your identity and the identity of people to whom you e-mailed a file
using Outlook. Word 97 goes so far as to retain logs of the last ten
people who revised your document, often with easily extractable
e-mail addresses. Unrevised versions of your text may also be hidden
in your files. Microsoft has posted a Remove Hidden Data tool on its
Web site, but this is cumbersome to use and doesn't remove all
identity information. Before making a Word file public, you can
thoroughly clean it by opening it in WordPad (located in Start All
Programs Accessories) and saving the file in Rich Text Format.
(Word can save to RTF but doesn't discard all the hidden
information.) After you've saved the file, you can change its file
extension from .rtf to .doc.





Drawing a Line

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


You can create a line across the page of your Word or Outlook
document with just a few keystrokes. Type three consecutive hyphens
and press Enter to get a normal line. Type three underscores and
Enter, and you'll get a bold line. And if you type three equal signs
and press Enter, you'll get a double line.





Word's Built-In Calculator

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


Did you know you can add a calculator to Word's toolbars or menus?
Go to View Toolbars Customize and choose the Commands tab. In
the list of categories, go to Tools, select Tools Calculate in the
list of commands, and drag it to a toolbar or drop-down menu. After
you drop the command on the toolbar or menu, immediately right-click
on the command, choose Change Button Image from the pop-up menu, and
choose the calculator icon.
You can use the same pop-up menu to specify whether to display text,
an icon, or both in the toolbar. Now, type a simple calculation (try
2 + 2) in a Word document, highlight it, and click on the new icon
or menu item. To replace the calculation with the result, just press
Ctrl-V. Before you press Ctrl-V, note that the result appears in the
status line at the bottom of the window.





Taming Squiggles and Smart Tags

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


Some of the features that are supposed to help you can just be
downright annoying. Take those squiggly red and green underlines
Word puts under words and sentences. Intended to point out spelling
and grammatical errors, these are often wrong or inappropriate. To
turn off the squiggly lines, choose Options from the Tools menu,
select the Spelling & Grammar tab, then uncheck Check spelling as
you type and Check grammar as you type.
Similarly, the Smart Tags that appear under dates, telephone
numbers, pasted text, and so on can be distracting. You can choose
AutoCorrect Options from the Tools menu, then select the Smart Tags
tab to turn off individual features or all Smart Tag displays.





Fix Stubborn Formatting

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


Ever try to fix formatting that refuses to change? You can start
with a clean slate by removing all formatting from the
selection—select the block of text and press Ctrl-Shift-N.




Alternatively, you can use Word's Reveal Formatting task pane to
modify the formatting. In Word 2003, just hit Shift-F1; in Word
2002, select Reveal Formatting from the Format menu.
When you click on an underlined link, an options dialog will display
settings that you can modify. By checking the Distinguish style
source option, you can view whether formatting was applied directly
or via a style.
You can also see which styles are applied to multiple paragraphs.
Choose either Normal or Outline under the View menu. Then select
Options from the Tools menu, go to the View tab, and enter a value
of 0.5 inches or more next to the field labeled Style area width. A
panel at the left edge of the window will display the styles
associated with each paragraph.

Click on the Status Bar

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


Unless you've turned the status bar off in Tools Options (under
the View tab), it will appear at the foot of Word windows. This
displays information such as the current page and line. You can
double-click on the Page and Ln indicators to bring up the Go To
menu.
Other status menu items are toggles: Double-click on REC to access
macro recording, TRK to start tracking changes, EXT to extend the
selection, or OVR to switch the typing mode from insert to
overwrite. You can also right-click on some of these to bring up
options menus.





Customize AutoText

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


You've probably noticed that Word completes certain phrases, such as
"Best Wishes," before you've finished typing. You can customize this
list so that Word completes only the phrases you define. Select
AutoCorrect Options from the Tools menu, then go to the AutoText
tab. Delete any items you don't want to keep, then add names and
phrases that you type often, such as your name, company, or address.





Compare Two Documents Side by Side

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


In Word 2003, you can compare documents side by side. Open two
documents. Then, from the Window menu of one of them, select the
Compare Side By Side command. If you have only two documents open,
the command will automatically choose to compare them. If you have
three or more documents open, you'll have to select which document
to compare with the current file.
A floating toolbar with two buttons will open. If the button on the
left is selected, Word will scroll both documents at the same time.
Press the button on the right side of the toolbar to return to where
the cursor was located when you started comparing.





Edit Two Parts of a Document

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


Are you worried about the consistency of your introduction and
conclusion? A spectacular yet underused feature is Word's ability to
display two different parts of a document at the same time. To do
this, you can either select the Split option from the Window menu to
display a dividing line in the current window. Alternatively, you
can drag down the tiny divider tool at the top of the right scroll
bar. You can navigate to different parts of the document in each
pane and use F6 to jump between them.





Smarter Navigation

May 4, 2004
By Edward Mendelson


Many Word users know that the up-and-down double arrows at the foot
of the vertical scroll bar will page up and down through an open
document. Fewer, however, know that the little dot icon between
those arrows, called the Select Browse Object button, lets you
change the function of the double-arrow buttons and of the Ctrl-PgUp
and Ctrl-PgDn key combinations. You can, for example, choose to
browse by heading, so the buttons will automatically jump you up or
down to the next heading. Other choices let you browse by footnote,
endnote, comment, graphic, or table.





Word Keyboard Shortcuts

May 4, 2004



Shift-F3: Toggle selected text between lowercase, initial capitals,
and uppercase.




F4: Repeat your last action, including searching, typing, and
formatting.
Shift-F4: Repeat the most recent Find command.
Shift-F5: Jump to the last change you made in the document.
Ctrl-F6: Toggle between open documents.
Alt-mouse click: Open the Research pane with information on the word
or name you clicked on.
F7: Run the spell-checker.
F12: Open the Save As dialog.

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Remove Many Links at Once

By M. David Stone

October 28, 2003

Total posts: 1





I regularly work with large Word documents that start out as HTML documents, and they contain hundreds of hyperlinks. I know how to remove one link at a time by moving the cursor to the link, hitting Ctrl-K to bring up the Edit Hyperlink dialog, and then choosing the Remove Link button. But when I have to remove hundreds of links, this takes a maddeningly long time. Is there a faster way to get rid of the hyperlinks?

Barbara Brown

You can remove all of the links with just two keystrokes: Ctrl-A to select the entire document and Ctrl-Shift-F9 to convert all the links into text. This technique works with other fields as well, turning a field into text using the field result. For example, if you’ve inserted a date field to show the current date, selecting the field and pressing Ctrl-Shift-F9 will turn it into text so the date won’t change from one day to the next.

If you have other fields in your document along with the hyperlinks and you don’t want to convert those fields to text, you can select a portion of the document, being careful not to include the fields you don’t want to convert, and then press Ctrl-Shift-F9, repeating as many times as necessary for the entire file. This isn’t as easy as giving the command for the entire document at once, but it is still faster than removing each link individually. By the way, a somewhat quicker way to remove a single link than the Ctrl-K method is to right-click on the link and choose Remove Hyperlink from the context menu.





Inverted Printing in Word

By Neil J. Rubenking

September 7, 2004

Total posts: 1





I would like to use Microsoft Word to print a three-fold "Reserved" table sign for our meetings. One third would be blank and form the base of the sign, a second third would have the word "Reserved" printed normally, and the remaining third would be printed upside-down, since people will be looking at the sign from the other side. How can I do this? I’ve tried printing "Reserved" in two separate passes, but I can never get the alignment right.

J. A. Patag

Select Page Setup from Microsoft Word 2003’s File menu and configure the document to use Landscape orientation. Set all the margins to zero and click on OK. Word will warn that these margins aren’t valid and offer to fix them. When you click on Fix, Word will set the margins as small as your printer can handle; note the values it selects. Select Print Layout from the View menu and adjust the zoom factor so the entire page is visible. Choose Table Insert Table from the menu. Set the table to use three columns and one row, check the AutoFit to Window box, and click on OK.

Now select Table Properties from the Table menu, click on the Table tab, and click on the Borders and Shading button. Click on None, so the table borders won’t print, then click on OK. Still in the Table Properties dialog, click on the Row tab, check the Specify height box, and select Exactly in the right-hand pull-down menu. Set the height to a little bit less than the size of the paper minus the top and bottom margins. If a second page appears, reduce the height slightly.

You’re almost done. Type the word "Reserved" in the first two cells, leaving the third blank. Right-click in the left-hand cell, choose Text Direction, and choose the option that has the bottom of the text pointing left. Right-click in the middle cell and set the text direction the opposite way. Select both cells, right-click, choose Cell Alignment from the menu, and choose the middle item, so the text is centered horizontally and vertically. Again, select both cells and choose the typeface and font size you wish to use. If 72-point isn’t big enough, you can type in a larger value. All that remains is to print and fold your signs.

Note that you could employ a similar technique to create a quarter-fold greeting card. Just create a table with two columns and two rows and put the front text in the top left quadrant and the inside text in the bottom right quadrant, each oriented so that the bottom of the text is toward the edge of the paper.

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